The Best Friends in the World

If you’ve read my latest post, you know I lost a beloved friend recently, to cancer. This death wasn’t the first in my close circle, but it was unique in many ways. Any death causes one to pause and reflect, not just on the life which has left, but also on the life we are left to live without that loved one. With Linda’s death, I could have spent a lot of time in deep grief…and I did go there, of course…but for some reason only God and Linda know, probably, I spent equally as much time reflecting on how many blessings I have in my life. That is exactly what Linda would have encouraged me to do, by the way, so we can assume there are some deep psychological urges at play as well as spiritual ones. Linda would have wanted all of us to focus on our blessings, rather than on the loss of her in our lives. She would have said that she’s not that important (though she was) and that she doesn’t want us to be sad. I know she’s in a better place, free of pain and suffering, and no longer limited by a failing, unreliable, limited human existence, but sorry Linda: still sad. But I also wonder what she’s seeing now, what she’s hearing, how marvelous is her existence now, without these limitations.

So to honor her, or because I know she would have wanted it, or because her spirit led me…I did reflect on my blessings, not the least of which is my wonderful group of friends. I have the best friends in the world. And I have more of them than I’ve ever had, notwithstanding my work addiction and my great need to avoid social gatherings every chance I get. Somehow, by God’s grace, I have gathered quite an impressive group of friends, each a jewel, unique and beautiful, into my life. One of them is gone in the physical sense but her place in my heart will forever belong to her.

I have been through Hell the past few years. So bad it was, that I said, “If Hell is ANYTHING like this, nobody should want to go there.” Yet…if not for that horrible part of my journey, I wouldn’t be here, in the midst of these people, living a life that is far more enriching than anything I’ve known so far. Interesting that the death of my dear friend would bring this realization to light.

So when I think of Linda, while I miss her terribly, I also smile, because I AM truly blessed. And Linda, I know you did this…

”

It was just yesterday, wasn’t it, Linda?

Hey Linda, wasn’t it just yesterday that we laughed about how crazy real estate can be, and promised each other we wouldn’t let the stress get to us?  Wasn’t it just yesterday we gave up on trying to plan a girls’ dinner because we were just too busy and life got in the way?

Didn’t you show up just yesterday with chips and dip when I was struggling, just to sit with me and give me comfort?  I think that’s right.  I remember how I couldn’t understand how you just knew when life was getting too tough for me, and how you actually cared about me…took time out of your life, away from your family, to sit with me and try to make me feel better.  I felt so blessed, and as though I had just found an unnamed jewel to study.  People don’t really do this, do they?  People aren’t really this nice, are they?

I remember how your perspective was always kind and charitable, how you always showed me another way of looking at things, as though we just found an unusual sea shell, and standing side by side to study it, you turned it over to point out some things I’d missed.  That was yesterday, wasn’t it? And didn’t we have a longer walk planned together?  I know we did; I’m sure of it.

I remember how you used to laugh at me when I’d say things just to get you going…how I used to love to hear you laugh and how funny your comebacks were…like they didn’t quite go with that sweet face of yours.  You made ME laugh too… yesterday, right?  Remember how you would say, “HEY BRENDA!” every time I called you, as thought hearing my voice was the BEST thing to happen to you all day?  It wasn’t the best thing, but you made me feel like it was…every time.  Every single time.

Wasn’t it just yesterday that we had to postpone our lunch because you felt unwell, and decided to go to the doctor instead?  Wasn’t it yesterday that the doctor told you to go to the hospital for testing, because it probably wasn’t good news?  Wasn’t it just yesterday that you got the diagnosis that made me cry when you weren’t around, and try harder to make you feel good when you were?  Was it yesterday that you and I made an unspoken pact to protect one another by not talking about this place, the one we’re in today?  I know it was yesterday; it couldn’t have been more than a day.

I think it was yesterday…that we chose to focus on the OTHER road, the one that took you onward, with your family and friends, to the work you so loved and were so good at, to maybe playing golf with me, and being a grandmother one day.  That road, the one where we grew old together as great friends and built funny memories to laugh about later, was the one we chose to envision.  We chose to look to a different future than the one at which we arrived today.  That was yesterday, wasn’t it, that we had our serious talk and we said we wouldn’t cry after this?  I think it was.  And we cried anyway.  A few times…

It was just yesterday that we prayed together and vowed to believe in miracles and healing, and not talk about death.  And it was yesterday, too, wasn’t it, that you told me you were ready, and to pray that God took you quickly, because you were exhausted and the pain was too great?  I couldn’t pray that prayer. I’m sorry.  I wanted you to stay.

Today, I attended your memorial service, where they showed your life in pictures…pictures it took me a long time to look at because I couldn’t bear it. I saw your childhood, your wedding, your children, your extended family…even I was in one of them.  But just YESTERDAY, we were laughing.  It WAS just yesterday, wasn’t it?  I’m sure it was.  I can’t believe this is happening.  It’s too fast.  It’s not possible, is it?

I can’t believe you are gone.  The world is far worse off now than it was just yesterday, because you are no longer in it.  But Heaven is better.  When I get there, I know you will be there, waiting to show me the way, and I know just what you will say, and how you’ll say it…the same way you did yesterday, and every other time we spoke. And you’ll make me feel like seeing me is the best thing that’s happened to you all day…even though it won’t be.

I will miss you, Linda Miller, my dear friend.

 

Rob Ford…I had to do it…sorry

Sorry.  I mean everybody’s got to be hearing this train wreck story.  And  you know me.  I have to put in my two cents worth.  Who else am I going talk to if I can’t talk to you anyway?  Well I talk to my Boo kitty but he’s so easy going, there’s just not much back and forth there.

Now granted, we only get the news (spun) version of the ‘truth’, but we did get benefit of seeing Rob’s video behavior.  So it’s comment worthy and nobody’s reading this anyway because I’m not famous yet. 🙂  And I’m going to call him Rob because, well, I’ve lost all respect for this person I only know through the news. Mister Mayor is DEFINITELY out.  He looks like a pale, bloated, sweaty addict is what he looks like.  And he’s a brat.  Now he might NOT be an addict, but I nailed three out of four characteristics, you have to admit.

So…what struck me about ALLLLL of this…well one of the things…was his comment about how he asked all of the council members to be drug-tested.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME????  Is this guy twelve???  It’s not about the other council members; it’s about Rob Ford! My head is still exploding and that happened days ago.  This is an affiliation tactic, used by a lot of law breakers, to make what they do okay in their minds…which are very small but also at the center of the whole universe. It goes like this: Well THEY’RE doing it so it must be okay for ME to do it too.  You’ve probably heard your TWELVE YEAR OLD try that one.  Give me a break.  This guy is a MAYOR???  He was ELECTED?  People of Toronto, what’s WRONG with you?  What were you thinking?  Wait, we have Anthony Weiner.  Okay, I take that back. Hahaha.  Still laughing about that one. And hey, Weiner didn’t get elected.  At least we have that going for us.

But don’t you think life is fascinating?  Aren’t we humans just so interesting?  Never a dull moment. But okay, now I have to say ‘these guys’ because I went and brought Weiner into it, but here goes. These guys are toast, and yet they insist on sticking around.  I find that endlessly amusing, I really do.  People are carrying SIGNS, okay?  They are protesting Rob Ford.  It’s time to go.  Really.  Listen, I’ve never had anybody carry a sign about me, but I’m thinking only one sign, only one time, would make me rethink my position.  Just sayin’.

Oh, I know, there’s that center of the universe thing in these guys’ minds, but that’s really supposed to go away by the time you are say TWENTY?  I mean, in a psychologically mature mind, egocentricity goes away at some point (theoretically) and grown ups realize that what they say and do…everything they say and do… has an effect on others.  If you believe in the butterfly effect, it has an effect on EVERYBODY IN THE UNIVERSE.  That’s what you call other-orientation.  And I would think that would be a good quality to have in a job like, oh, I don’t know…PUBLIC SERVICE.

Forget about the drugs for a second and just look at this behavior.  Good old Rob is breaking the LAW and justifying it because he’s assuming other people are too??  Well what are you going do when he commits murder?  Other people do that too!  It’s okay!  Look at the prisons! They’re full of murderers so I can’t be that bad!  So I studied marketing and affiliation is a GREAT marketing ploy.  You just say, “Everybody’s getting one!” and sure enough, you can sell tons of them…whatever they are.  Now I’m not saying Rob Ford knows jack about marketing because I don’t think he’s that smart;  I’m just talking about affiliation.  Rob’s twelve.  There’s a difference between juvenile and marketing, and maybe that marketing tactic was stolen from the twelve year olds, who knows.

The longer I live the more I wonder how humankind manages to survive even a thunder storm.  Why don’t we drown?  I mean, why don’t we stand outside and inhale the water until we drown?  Rob Ford could lead the charge.  I mean, fish inhale water all the time!  It must be okay! Ask Rob!  He’ll tell you. Let’s get those guys TESTED.

I think it’s a crying shame that somebody like this got elected.  In Canada, no less.  I thought these people paid attention more than we do in America.  I could take one look at this guy and wonder where his stash is hidden.  He’s a poster boy for absence of self control.  And now somebody else has popped up.  He’s admitting to being an alcoholic.  My ex said it’s better to ask for forgiveness than permission; that’s his mantra.  Sounds like they read the same book…or looked at the same pictures.

I’m getting so tired of these egotistical, spoiled brats going after elected positions so they can abuse power and fund their illegal and unethical behaviors at the tax payers’ expense.  Dr. Drew said that these kinds of jobs tend to attract this particular personality type. That’s sad.  We’ve done that; we have allowed these elected positions to become celebrity spotlights and we’ve forgotten to really know these candidates before we cast the votes.  There should be some element of qualification for the job, and people who are in charge of making the laws others are expected to follow, should be law-abiding themselves.  I didn’t make that up; one of Dr. Drew’s panelists said that.  I though it was pretty profound. Pretty sure she doesn’t inhale the rain during a thunderstorm.

Hey, I have an idea.  Let’s put the politicians outside in a storm without their umbrella holders….just see what they do.  All it takes is one to look up and sniff in the rain and they’ll alllll do it.  It’ll be fine!  Just wait and see.

A Word About Griping.

Okay two words:  It WORKS.

See, this morning I was well…griping… about how listings are so hard to find because we’re SELLING THEM LIKE HOTCAKES…and because there are fewer listings, buyers are freakishly scarce…or did the egg come before the chicken…hmmm.

Anyway, two of my listings had showings scheduled. So I’m gonna be griping a lot for the next few weeks.  Unless you have a house you’d like to list?

 

What is a Hero?

I was thinking.  Uh oh.

People are highlighted in the press quite often for doing what I believe to be what a person should do under ordinary circumstances.  If someone is falling, wouldn’t you want to help them?  If someone is trapped, wouldn’t you want to help “untrap” them?  If someone is drowning, wouldn’t you want to try to save them?  I mean, assuming you could SWIM, of course. This seems like Life 101 to me.  Either that, or I am a hero and all I need is a cape and a snappy leotard.

I’ve realized that when there is a problem, I go TOWARD it, not away. I’m one of those people who is not afraid; in fact, when things get tough, I get calmer and more focused than I usually am. I don’t know why but I suspect it’s just the way my brain is wired: there’s a problem; it needs to be fixed. Period. I don’t think I’m a hero. But I don’t expect to be a victim, don’t expect to get hurt; in fact just the opposite. I expect to help. Now, I’ve been dead wrong about that; I have been hurt, and badly, but I never EXPECTED to be. And I still don’t, by the way. I’m just going in to help, scars and all.

Are the media going to train us that standing by and watching while people die or are injured is the norm, and reaching out is heroic? Well if you listen to the news, that’s what you’ll think. I think the stories of today’s heroes should go like this: “Today, fifty people stood by and watched an ordinary man pull a woman out of a wrecked car, just before it burst into flames. The bystanders were glad they didn’t have to venture forth.” 

Now that sounds pretty interesting, don’t you think?  Imagine the interviewer putting the microphone up to one spector’s face, saying, “Sir, today many of our viewers think you are a scaredy cat!  What do you say to that?” The answer should be: I’m not wired to be a hero. Because I think that’s what it boils down to.

It doesn’t take much to lend a helping hand. Well maybe it does. I went below decks once after we lost power and were taking on water by the hundreds of gallons, to retrieve the flashlight…our only remaining light source…in the midst of the ‘storm of the century’. We were sinking. It never occurred to me I might get hurt, or might drown. I just knew we needed that light. So I went to get it. It was pitch dark and I waded in water, searching with my feet for the elusive flashlight. I found it, about half an hour before the Coast Guard rescued us. All I could think was what a great story this would make, how beautiful the storm was in the midst of its fury…and how seasick I was. I was never afraid. Go figure. That’s how I’m wired.

So…what’sa hero? Well, if you run, you ain’t one. hahaha.

Of Course…the Arias Trial…

I came within a few steps…literally…of being selected to serve on a death penalty case jury. I thought the idea was fascinating and something I’d be good at…until I saw the defendant.  He had stabbed his wife to death with their three month old child in close proximity…and I couldn’t take my eyes off of his hands.  They were pale and feminine, not the sort of hands you’d expect to be murderous at all.  But they were.  It wasn’t contested whether or not he killed his wife, only what his punishment should be.  And there I was, fifteen feet away from this man, potentially about to be selected to determine his fate.   I felt physically ill.  Before that time, I was absolutely in favor of the death penalty…but when it came time to put up or shut up, I realized I could never be the one to call for another’s death. Not at the time.  I was younger then.

I looked at the Travis Alexander autopsy photos online.  If you haven’t seen them, don’t.  They are too disturbing and the act of violence they portray slithers into your gut and your phyche and you’ll feel nauseated and you won’t sleep. And you’ll feel very, very sad…not only about poor Travis, but also about our society in general.   What comes forth is that this poor man suffered tremendous violence and pain…and he fought to live.  His wounds show that.  His last moments alive were filled with the sort of terror no human being should have to experience, particularly not if you’re someone like Travis apparently was.  I have such a palatable sense of loss without him in the world.  We NEED more people like him.

Travis filled his life with service, apparently, and according to his journal entry…one of the last…he intended to make this year the most giving of all.  I think he might have pulled it off. If he hadn’t encountered the bloodsucker.  The one named Jodi.

Here’s the thing.  He got himself tied up with a person who was charming, manipulative, and used to not only getting her way but also never having taken responsibility for any wrongs in her life.  People like that, especially ones diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, can be very charming, and they get through life by being manipulative, ingratiating, and…here’s the important part…attaching themselves to people who are NOT that way. They seek out honest, hardworking, giving people and particularly ones who tend to be very calm and focused about their life.  They are parasites, ultimately, and when they think they are either losing their host OR not getting their way about something important to them (it’s always ALL AND ONLY about them)…they can explode, and they do.  I’ve seen it happen up close and personally.

Jodi described Travis as being a very calm person.  Now…if someone asked you to describe your lover, would ‘calm’ be one of the first things you said?  NO!  You’d say cute, or funny or smart.  Not ‘calm’.  So here’s my theory.  I know, through testimony, that Travis was ending the relationship.  I think Jodi tried to manipulate him, even sexually the day of his murder, and it wasn’t working.  My guess is that he was very calm and deliberate in letting her know that her manipulations weren’t working and weren’t GOING to.  And she lost it.  I think, like all of her type, she is EXTREMELY vindictive, and she threw everything she had in to making him pay for not giving her her way.

People say she must have been abused as a child.  I call bull on that.  It think she was spoiled ROTTEN, always got her way, always thought she was adorable and that EVERYTHING she did was wonderful.  People like that never learn to take responsibilty for things going sideways, because the adults in their life never let them SEE that.  Mommy or Daddy usually make their lives perfect and when it’s time to grow up, they don’t…they just find another ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ to make their lives perfect AND to take the blame for all bad things. The person closest to one of these animals gets to bear the weight of the world.  It’s true.  And it’s terrible.  I’m guessing Jodi’s mommy was the ‘good’ parent and Jodi’s daddy was ‘the bad parent’…and I bet mommy worked against daddy a lot.  You haven’t seen daddy around much, have you?

Jodi never expected to be found guilty, and her smug demeanor throughout the trial showed that.  She was used to using people, manipulating people, getting her way.  Now that she knows this ain’t California baby, she has a whole new demeanor.  But she’s still acting. I couldn’t help but wonder whether her face muscles hurt at the end of the day from holding the ‘sad’ face during the victim impact statements.  Another manipulation.  Listen, I can PROMISE you she views HERSELF as the victim.  I lived with one of these types.  For a long time.  I recognize the animal.  She feels victimized.  Even though she brutalized Travis, butchered the man.

So now…not only would I vote in FAVOR of the death penalty for Jodi, I’d push the button.  People like her suck the life out of anybody stupid enough to fall for their manipulations…and we fall for them because we view the world as good, as WE are good, because we are trusting and we want to serve.  We end up being nothing more than a host for the parasite, a platform from which they can spring their insanity, and the person to whom they point the blame when things don’t work out…and they NEVER work out for these people because they eventually, always show their true colors…and they get caught.   It’s important to not only realize there are a LOT of Jodi’s out there, bad people who WILL kill if they feel the need to, people whose reality isn’t ‘normal’.  It’s their own reality with them at the center…because they never grow up.

As long as the Jodi’s of the world don’t commit brutal murder, we can deal with them.  Some of us have done it and some are doing it now.  In this case, however, I say death is the only answer.  She will do this again, given the right circumstances.  Of that I have NO doubt.

Oh, and here’s something else VERY important:  Jodi tried her level best to make this all Travis’s fault.  She tried her BEST to make him out to be a monster.  Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me too.  It rarely works…because the parasite’s true colors always come through…It’s the only gratification the normal people have: the truth comes out.

JC Penney Silo Master

Well, they fired the JCP CEO.  While I never want to see anybody lose his job, this one was certain to happen if the company has a snowball’s chance in Hades of surviving. And it might not.  It took too long for everybody to figure out what they needed to do.  I saw this one coming when the new CEO threw away his customer base and tried to replace it with youngsters with no money and no desire to shop where grandma shopped.  He failed to realize that there are FEWER of them than there were of the original customer base, and more choices for them to utilize.  Duh.  And, JCP stopped offering quality merchandise and instead packed the stores with junk NOBODY wanted. And…these stores are usually an anchor store in a mall where the lease is HUGE.  Is this ROCKET SCIENCE?  No.  I’ve done rocket science.  This ain’t it.  JCP used to be my only place to go for great quality sweaters.  Even the higher end stores couldn’t match their value and quality with regard to, in particular, their Spring sweaters. I went there for sweaters; and I bought everything else I needed.  I loved their housewares department before they stocked it with junk.  But that’s not THE main reason JCP failed.  It failed because the new guy wanted to build a silo.

I see this kind of thing happen all the time, and it’s not new.  One author I read recently  (I can’t remember his name) coined ‘silo building’ (Google him and find his book; it’s really good).  Here’s how it goes…

First, a paradigm is created where one or more entities within a company have a need to break out from the pack at the expense of the team (maybe not even realizing they are nuking the team).  Maybe it’s not a paradigm; maybe it’s just one giant ego being brought on board who wants to MAKE HIS MARK (dogs just pee on it and maybe if people did that we’d all be better off). So that person creates his own little empire (his goal all along and in fact his NEED) and starts stacking these slightly curved blocks… building a silo…around himself and a selected few.  Silos don’t have windows, mind you; they don’t need them.  But the PROBLEM with that is that there’s no communication possible and the problem is, also, that once the underground competition sets in, you CAN’T communicate because all you could say is, “I’m trying to beat you.”

Once the silo builder starts building his tower, others have to do the same or risk being overshadowed.  Besides, in the beginning, the silo builder looks like a star; he’s having all kinds of success!  He makes others look like they’re napping…but there’s a reason for that.

Okay, let’s have an example; let’s say you’re in retail.  Retail establishments are RIFE with silo builders.  So the first silo builder essentially forces other entities within the company to follow suit, and before you know it, you have building blocks half way up and resources become GOLDEN.  You need resources to build silos after all, and the higher the walls the more resources (people, money) you need.  Chances are you’ll get them because…well you look like a star right now, remember?  But what’s really happening is that the first nail in the coffin of the organization as a whole, has just been hammered in.

So there becomes a built-in, destined competition for resources, usually the low wage earners who are running like horses to make the managers’ wishes come true.  Silo builder number one gets most of the resources because at first, he’s the only one who knows what he’s up to AND he probably doesn’t realize or care that he may be killing the host.  He’s just focused on making his vision a reality and that’s not a bad thing in and of itself, but it’s very dangerous for an organization that needs balance and nimbleness to respond to customer needs and desires.

Okay, so let’s say he’s in charge of the stock room, only that.  Once he has the lion’s share of the resources, the stockroom is going to start to look VERRRY good. The shelves will be stocked neatly; everything will be labeled, the floor will be swept.  It’ll be GREAT…At the expense of the appearance of the store, the place where CUSTOMERS are, and in fact at the expense of customer service…which is the supreme savior of retail.  Also in the crosshairs now, is the morale of the others who are trying to make their retail establishment competitive and customer friendly, who are trying to do their job and that of at least one other…who is now in the main silo.  Everybody outside the primary silo becomes frustrated, exhausted, and a failure…because nobody can sustain that kind of workload and because the workload BECOMES unmanageable. Individuals can do the work of one, maybe two, on a sustained level, but not three or four.  Plus, these people, remember, are the low wage earners.  There’s not a lot of incentive to run a marathon every day, month after month, particularly if you’ve already failed at the start because the workload outside the primary silo, has become…unmanageable.  If, in retail, the employees outside of the primary silo become worn out and unhappy, frustrated and edgy….guess what happens to CUSTOMER SERVICE, the supreme savior of retail?  Right.

The primary silo builder grabs the best of the best resources…because that’s what he needs to make his vision a reality (it’s what anybody would need or want, right), leaving the other lagging silo builders to compete for the other, less desirable or maybe less qualified ones.  Nobody’s happy at this point except the primary silo builder and his resources.  The primary silo builder is getting recognized, and his resources are getting good pay, nice hours.  And by the way, the workforce budget is spent behind the walls, where the customers never go.

Now that’s not all bad.  There are good reasons to have a neat and organized operation, where you know what you have and where it is and where everything’s clean and neat.  But…not at the expense of the appearance of the shopping areas, where the customers are, customers, who can kill your operation just by NOT going there.  If you consider that customers are more entitled than they have ever been, more demanding of stellar service…it wouldn’t make sense to deliberately erode that service, would it?  No.  And silo builders usually don’t realize they’re doing that.  They are just trying to make their mark, make their vision a reality, get a raise, get a promotion, be recognized, prove their worth…all that jazz.

So, the lagging silo builders have not only been crippled with respect to the best and the brightest, but now they have to try to make it work with FEWER of the middle of the pack employees. If they DON’T make it work, their upper management will tear them up, comparing them to the primary silo builder (not realizing he’s sinking with the REST of the ship), and hence eroding the morale of the other silo builders.  The morale of the workers is already tanking and now the managers, the secondary and tertiary silo builders, are falling too.  Uh oh.  Too bad the higher level managers can’t see this.  Don’t feel bad; they didn’t see it at JCP either.

There are places where silos are okay.  Farms.

Retail is the WORST place for them because in retail, things change on a dime and the entire operation has to be able to not only change direction in a second, but also do it while making the customers ecstatic.  So they’ll come back.  So they won’t go to the PLETHORA of other places they COULD go…and WILL go if their needs are not met. And…this is important…the workforce here MUST be happy, because they sure aren’t there for the money.  And they won’t stay if they aren’t happy.  So if you’re already running lean and you lose your best ‘leftovers’, oops.  Real trouble.

What seems important to me, a real nobody, is that teamwork is important in retail and so is foresight!  JCP turned their focus inward, onto themselves, and worked like all get out to build a great little silo with little lounges and vignettes…but they forgot to ask the customers what THEY wanted.  It does no good to make a mark if nobody SEES it, or, more importantly, if it’s a colossal failure.

Why JC Penney is Tanking

As is the case of all blogs, this is my opinion. But it’s also common sense. My CAT could have predicted this if he could speak English.  Or cared.. JC Penney just posted the worst quarter in the HISTORY of retail…if you believe the news.  Well duh. Anybody I talk to isn’t surprised at all because JCP had it ALL wrong. 

First, they decided to put all of their effort into courting a demographic that wouldn’t love them UNLESS they were rather last retail store on the planet. This IS their mother’s store no matter how much they change the logo. 

Second and most important, they completely disregarded the demographic who handed them their success. Ask any Baby Boomer EX JC Penney shopper.  They’ll tell you. 

JCP got sloppy and dirty and unfriendly to their customers…the ones who handed them profits year after year. They got fat and lazy and thought they didn’t have to work to keep us. Then instead of looking inward and doing some hard evaluation, they blamed us…their bread and butter…and they kicked us to the curb. 

So we’ve voted with our feet and our wallets. We went where we were wanted and importantly, valued. If JCP wants to survive, they need to BEG us to come back. They should restock their shelves with the things WE like and want, they need to price them competitively and make sure they are of the quality we once expected from JCP…and they should beg for our forgiveness. Maybe then we’ll stop thinking how they are getting EXACTLY what they deserve and give them another chance to appreciate us. Or maybe not. 

And by the way…if they wanted to appeal to the Old Navy crowd, they should have changed the NAME as well as the logo. DUH.  Even with that, we don’t need another Target or Old Navy and…we are still the ones with the discretionary money to keep you in business. 

I think that’s worth a day of CEO salary. 

 

 

What Love Isn’t

Somebody very important to me asked me if I knew what love is?   What a question. Of course I don’t know. I THOUGHT I did, but boy did I get schooled.

I answered, “Does anybody?”  I’m not sure about that one, actually.  My guess would be that most people haven’t given it much thought and that most people have love and lust confused.  Maybe there’s no such thing at all; maybe it’s a perfect match of one person being a host and the other a parasite…and I’m sure there are nicer WORDS for it, but you get the idea.

I’ve learned that each person’s definition of love, if they could even adequately articulate it, is as unique as that person is among the whole population of Earth.  So I ask YOU: what is love?

Think about it; before you answer ask yourself what would love look like if you took lust out of the picture.  I know, hard to imagine.  Still give it a shot.  Also take out the OBLIGATION factor; I mean love from child to parent, for example.  If not for those things, how would you describe love?

I don’t have the ‘right’ answer.  Maybe there isn’t one.  But I can talk about some things love isn’t.  First of all, it isn’t lust; it isn’t about sex.  And if you plan to build a so-called loving relationship, like marriage…on sex, forget it; it’s  not gonna work.

Love isn’t going after somebody because they have assets you’d like to take from them…things like bank accounts or properties or a nice home.  That’s not love.  That’s targeting an innocent party for your own financial gain.

Love isn’t keeping track of what someone does for you, or events for which they show up; it isn’t about the gifts they’ve given.  In other words, if love had arrows pointing, there should be one going toward oneself and one going away from oneself, or it isn’t love.  Love is not one-sided; love is not ‘taking’.  And it’s not all giving either. It HAS to be both give and take.

Love isn’t devoid of sacrifice. It’s full of sacrifice, or it should be…I think.  Love isn’t convenient.  Sometimes love means we have to break a sweat doing things we’d rather not do, for someone who simply needs us.  Sacrificial love doesn’t always show up during slack times; sometimes it shows up in the middle of a busy time.  If you can’t sacrifice even then…it isn’t love.

Love isn’t doing hurtful things when you don’t get you way or you want to do something you shouldn’t. You can’t hurt someone you love. If you DO or desire to, that’s not love.  You can’t do harm to someone you love. If that kind of behavior is in YOUR kind of love, please stay far from me. I already know you.

There is no such thing as unconditional love.  If someone says they love you unconditionally, better pat them down for your best silver or that nice ring you just bought.  There is no such thing as unconditional love.  If you aren’t getting something out of it, you’re probably comatose.   Remember there’s an arrow pointing in, too, and  if there’s not you are not human. Nobody’s that generous.

I do know this about love.  Never mind. I don’t know.