I have a hard time watching physicists on TV documentaries, even though sometimes I agree with their theories…or parts of them, I should say.  You see, the problem I have is that I know something about detection systems in various types of analytical instruments and in the most complex analytical instrument: the human body.  So I know we’re way too limited in our detection ability to figure out the universe.  It makes me laugh.  And besides, so what if we do figure it out?  It’s like this: If we figure out how to get through a worm hole into another dimension, what will we do when we get there?  Have a snack?  Do lunch?  This stuff cracks me up.  It’s really funny to me!  I mean, there might not BE chocolate in another dimension, so why would we want to go anyway?  On the other hand, I might still weigh in at 118 pounds so…where’s the shuttle?

I’m a smart cookie, but I still can’t wrap my head around infinity and trust me, I’ve thought about it.  But the truth is, no mere mortal can understand infinity because it’s just not possible.  Oh stop it.  I know what you’ll say: Infinity means there’s no end, that the system goes on forever.  Okay…explain it.  I mean really, keep talking until everybody really gets it.  Meet you at the cemetery.

See, that’s the problem.  But if you listen to physicists…and okay I do…they get downright giddy about the latest theory about…well EVERYTHING… but especially issues related to our ‘universe’.  Okay, so now there’s a name for the ‘stuff’ that holds the ‘stuff’ that started the big bang.  I was kind of disappointed to hear that; I thought they missed that little detail and I was enjoying that.  And now they have decided…some of them…that the universe is flat.  Well what a relief.  I thought it was just ever so slightly curved that we couldn’t detect the curvature and that made me lose sleep at night.  Well we now have data…the universe is flat.  I’m so glad.  What I’m really trying to say is: Who cares??

Except the people who are awake at three in the morning watching documentaries….and physicists.

Now we’re talking about membranes, where our galaxy resides kind of like a dot in a huge sheet flapping in the wind.  And there are supposedly multiple membranes that fluctuate and wave and occasionally touch and well what else could that do but create another universe?  Right.  Every time these membranes touch…BOOM!  New universe.  But we can’t SEE it.  See the beauty in being a theoretical physicist?  Tooth fairy, Santa Clause, ghosts, membranes.  I love this stuff.  I really do.

And…we still have parallel universes, in which I wholeheartedly believe.  If, they say, an electron can exist in many places at once, and electrons are some of the smallest building blocks of the universe; then surely we must be able to also exist in many places at once…dimensionally speaking.  And yes, that makes sense.  To me.  In another universe my ex was never even born.  See the beauty?

Now, we have the ‘bubble theory’.  Bubbles.  Guess which physicist was the giddiest about bubbles?  The California guy.  Go figure.  Our universe, in the minds of many California dudes I mean physicists, floats around like a bubble along with lots of other bubbles and may pop, or collide with other bubbles.  Dude!  That’s phat. I almost changed the channel on that one.  Guess where the California physicist was?  On the beach, of course!  hahaha.

Then they started talking about particle collision at the Fermi Institute.  The collider is far underground sheathed in protective material lest we create another universe or some such thing.  Now that’s something I’d like to see.  I would!  …but what if they move that sucker about 5000 more feet underground where conditions change just a smidgen?  Maybe there’s a simple California answer to that.  But my question is, if we get data, will we really know what we think we know?  By the mere act or method of observing, are we changing the data?   Well I think we are!  So there must be infinite answers and I want them all.

You gotta get this: if there are parallel universes, infinite ones…well there are infinite infinite test results right? Infinite ones here and infinite ones in allll of the other universes.  We don’t know, right?  We just don’t know.  I’m okay with that, can you tell?

The problem I have is that it always occurs to me that we’re pretty arrogant, we simple humans.  We are very busy trying to figure out the ‘universe’ when in essence, we’re still looking at ants through a magnifying glass.  We can’t even figure out what makes people want to kill one another and why are we not working on that?

We have no idea the limits (on the small side) of quantum physics, nor do we know how far our universe really goes.  I’ve always liked to think we were in the thumb of some giant being so large that we could never detect his movement.  Don’t laugh.  The California dude probably already thought of that.  And by the same token, look at your thumb.  It might hold many galaxies.

The bottom line is that we don’t know.  We’re not equipped to know, but we sure spend time and money trying to figure out where we came from and how can we get SOMEWHERE else…because we’re going to destroy our planet or it’s going to die a natural death.  There’s a good way around that…it has to do with sending our DNA out into the universe and spreading it around.  Then we can ‘survive’.  Oh that’s great, isn’t it?  We’ve just about destroyed THIS place; let’s go somewhere else and START AGAIN!

I’ll be dead, so…I don’t really care.

Still, I’d like to see more effort thrown into understanding PEOPLE.  What makes people cruel and heartless?  Why do some people have the kill gene and some do not?  How do we deactivate the kill gene and if we could, how could we stop overpopulation?  Well we’d have to, wouldn’t we?  Now that’s a good question, isn’t it?  Wouldn’t you rather know about that than cosmic bubbles, dude? Maybe not.

I love the Fermilab building though.  I might not like all of the wild theories, but the building?  Coolest I’ve ever seen. You should google it.  Seriously.