Client Letter of Recommendation…

                                                                                    Wake Forest, NC  27587

                                                                                    August 18, 2013

 

 

 

 

 

To Whom this May Concern:

 

This past Spring, my wife and I set out on our journey to purchase our first home in North Carolina.  We had moved down to the Raleigh area from Ohio in July, 2011 and had been renting a home in North Raleigh.  My wife and I have been married over 27 years and we had purchased and sold three homes in our life time.  So consequently, as the saying goes, this wasn’t our first rodeo but then again, we were novices as it related to buying a home in the Tar Heel State.

 

We selected Brenda through a relationship she and my wife had at work and, needless to say, we were not disappointed.  Brenda came to sense how she could be of the greatest assistance to my wife and I.  She didn’t treat us as if we were some first time home buyers.  She listened to us to learn what was important in our next home.  She provided valuable insight into the Raleigh real estate market as the area transitioned from a buyer’s to a seller’s market.  She dug a little deeper when we had questions about a property or a neighborhood to provide the information we really needed to make our decision.  All in all, she was more of a teammate than an agent.

 

In this Information age, most people don’t need an agent to find properties to review — they can find everything they need at the click of a mouse.  But what they truly do need is the information and the effort that you can’t find on a website — listening to clients, talking to other agents,  fighting for their people to get them the best deal possible.  That is where Brenda excels — she performs all of that plus more for her people.

 

I would whole-heartedly recommend her for your real estate needs.

 

 

 

                                                                                    A Satisfied Client

What is a Hero?

I was thinking.  Uh oh.

People are highlighted in the press quite often for doing what I believe to be what a person should do under ordinary circumstances.  If someone is falling, wouldn’t you want to help them?  If someone is trapped, wouldn’t you want to help “untrap” them?  If someone is drowning, wouldn’t you want to try to save them?  I mean, assuming you could SWIM, of course. This seems like Life 101 to me.  Either that, or I am a hero and all I need is a cape and a snappy leotard.

I’ve realized that when there is a problem, I go TOWARD it, not away. I’m one of those people who is not afraid; in fact, when things get tough, I get calmer and more focused than I usually am. I don’t know why but I suspect it’s just the way my brain is wired: there’s a problem; it needs to be fixed. Period. I don’t think I’m a hero. But I don’t expect to be a victim, don’t expect to get hurt; in fact just the opposite. I expect to help. Now, I’ve been dead wrong about that; I have been hurt, and badly, but I never EXPECTED to be. And I still don’t, by the way. I’m just going in to help, scars and all.

Are the media going to train us that standing by and watching while people die or are injured is the norm, and reaching out is heroic? Well if you listen to the news, that’s what you’ll think. I think the stories of today’s heroes should go like this: “Today, fifty people stood by and watched an ordinary man pull a woman out of a wrecked car, just before it burst into flames. The bystanders were glad they didn’t have to venture forth.” 

Now that sounds pretty interesting, don’t you think?  Imagine the interviewer putting the microphone up to one spector’s face, saying, “Sir, today many of our viewers think you are a scaredy cat!  What do you say to that?” The answer should be: I’m not wired to be a hero. Because I think that’s what it boils down to.

It doesn’t take much to lend a helping hand. Well maybe it does. I went below decks once after we lost power and were taking on water by the hundreds of gallons, to retrieve the flashlight…our only remaining light source…in the midst of the ‘storm of the century’. We were sinking. It never occurred to me I might get hurt, or might drown. I just knew we needed that light. So I went to get it. It was pitch dark and I waded in water, searching with my feet for the elusive flashlight. I found it, about half an hour before the Coast Guard rescued us. All I could think was what a great story this would make, how beautiful the storm was in the midst of its fury…and how seasick I was. I was never afraid. Go figure. That’s how I’m wired.

So…what’sa hero? Well, if you run, you ain’t one. hahaha.

On Being a Good Advisor…

Any good real estate agent is also a trusted advisor…or should be. Our advice is based on years of experience and heaven knows HOW many hours of classes and training and updates.  I know:  You can get a BOAT LOAD of information from the internet.  But listen up: That’s not good enough.  Here’s why.

A good real estate agent will know things about rules, the law, building code, builders, different areas and what that means to commute times and shopping, how homes are built and what to look for to find hidden issues, things you won’t find online.  We’ll know how to negotiate: when to hold and when to fold.  And I can’t say for sure, but I’m willing to bet my accuracy is better than most of the automated valuation systems when it comes to pricing a home to sell.  Your agent will have had boots on the ground where the internet has not trodden, and your agent will know things about buying or selling that the internet cannot convey.  So it doesn’t matter what kind of phone you have, which internet provider you use, what iteration of I-pad you have.  Your agent will win the competition.  Or at least this one will.

In other words, it would behoove (cool word) you to avail yourself of your agent’s expertise and realize that there’s one real estate agent in the car…and it ain’t you.  Yeah, I said ain’t.  I like that word.  It has personality.  And I’m a bit arrogant that way. I think I have a good enough grasp of the English language to tweak it when I want to.

But I digress. Bring along your smart phone because if you ride with me, you navigate.  I don’t want you to be bored.  Bring along your notes, your ideas, your opinions, because they matter.   But remember to ask a lot and don’t act like the realtor. 

I want my clients to be smarter than me in case we break down and I need someone to figure out the computer system operating my car…or to feel brave about finding a nearby repair shop.  I want my clients to be able to discuss the Hadron Collider with me or the latest news about time travel.  But I do not want them to try to be me.  First of all, they can’t handle it, and second…and seriously here…I’m the real estate agent with the license and training…and I’m very good at my job.  Let me do it and you?  Relax and enjoy the tour.  I promise to take good care of you.

 

Customer Service

I got kudos from a client the other day, announced over the radio system for everybody to hear. A customer needed an item in the aftermath of surgery, to help her heal correctly and be comfortable. I probably spent the better part of an hour with her, mere minutes in the grand scheme, finding the right item and helping her order it through the internet ordering system. When it was done, I shook her hand and told her I hoped her healing continued to go well. I meant that with all my heart and I know she knew that.

She went directly to the feedback system and also went to the trouble to call the manager, telling him I went above and beyond the call to help her. That’s what was announced. I appreciated it, but I felt unworthy of praise, and a bit sad, too. Here’s why.

First of all, I believe we ought to help one another when and if we can, if we are able, and if the opportunity presents itself. Nothing feels better than helping someone in need. That’s just how I roll. So it felt smarmy, just a bit, to be recognized for doing something which comes naturally to me and for which I derive so much joy. Secondly, it’s sad that as a society, we aren’t all so inclined. Imagine how great it would be if everybody just found joy in helping others. We’ve become so self absorbed as a society, so materialistic, and that’s not at ALL where our focus should be.

I remember how, as a young girl, one person in particular used to make fun of me for genuinely caring about people in pain, or people with personal issues causing them unrest. I was told I ‘wore my heart on my sleeve’, was called “Ann Landers” if you remember who she was. My friends used to call ME when they needed to talk, because I listened and more importantly because I really cared…and because I wasn’t afraid to give them loving feedback WHEN they asked for it. I felt like there was something wrong with me, or that I was less of a person because I had a ‘soft heart’, as they used to say. Not anymore.

Now, I realize I have a gift, of sorts. Sometimes it’s burdensome, because there are times when there are many bad things happening to people I care about, all at once. But I am always amazed how much it means to them just to know someone is LISTENING and someone cares. Sometimes something seemingly insigniicant I do, something that costs me nothing but time, makes them cry because they are so grateful. Then I cry too, of course. Because there are PEOPLE in those bodies, with hearts and minds, people who MATTER. People who deserve to know they are not alone in the trenches.

I went through terror, once in my life…so far…and had many days, months, years, to observe the behavior of those around me. Granted, I watched through a fog of shock and disbelief, through the worst depression and heartache I have ever experienced. I had a chance to watch me, too. I did a lot of introspection AND observation, and I came out of that…or am COMING out of it, with a whole new perspective on life and a whole new way of looking at the people in my life and how they behave.

First of all, I will NEVER let anybody I know go unaided when they are in pain, or are suffering in any way I can help. Period. Even if it means I have to do without something to help them, they get help. I will NEVER let anyone I care about feel alone or criticized when they are suffering. There’s plenty of time for critical analysis LATER, when they can handle it and IF they ask for it. I know how it feels to be kicked when I’m down; I will never do that. Here’s the thing: If I have to do without a new shirt in order to give someone in need one…that’s the job. Give them a new shirt; they need it more than I do. It’s that simple.

Second, if someone talks about “love”, I know what to look for to find out what that means to THEM. If their love has a hammer symbol instead of a helping hand symbol, that’s not love. If their love is holding out a basket into which you can deposit stuff, instead of a basket full of stuff to give out, well, that’s not my kind of love. Love involves some take, yes, but I think…and this is just me…love should involve more give. From everybody involved, otherwise it’s parasitic and selfish…which most love is today, I think.

So I took the time to actually CONNECT with this client, to find out what she needed. Then, lo and behold, I was able to give that…with care thrown in because that’s what I do. And it was great. She got the items she needed, but I got joy. I think she might have gotten some too. And that, my friends, is love. And it’s enough, all by itself, even without recognition. In fact, I like it better when nobody knows.

Shrinking Inventory in the Real Estate World

The Perfect Storm is looming.  Interest rates are creeping up; housing inventory is shrinking; people are rushing to buy, people who were on the fence for some time.  It’s turning into a seller market, for these reasons and one other one that’s HUGE.  Multiple offers are commonplace.  Great for sellers.  Not good for buyers who are used to insisting on paint color being perfect before they even buy, carpet being new in a ten year old house, the right smell, the right temperature.  Sellers, celebrate.  Buyers, take a deep breath.  The world we knew a year ago has flipped.

When sellers have multiple offers on a home you really love, suddenly their repair budget shrinks or yes, even disappears altogether.  Some offers are high with ZERO concessions.  Suddenly that decor isn’t so bad after all, suddenly sellers are smack dab in the middle of the driver’s seat.  And folks, as inventory continues to go away, it’s going to become even more dramatic.

For so long sellers were put through the wringer trying to sell, and now it’s about to swing strongly in the other direction, moving so quickly through the middle ground we’re likely to miss it.  If you’re a seller, it’s a great time to have your home listed.  Buyers, better get busy, because not only might you have to compete with several others to get the home you love, you’re going to pay a lot more each month as interest rates creep up.

I said, some time ago, that one truism is that the universe WILL balance.  It happens in all areas of life, and it’s happening in real estate now. Don’t you feel it?  Exciting times.  Don’t miss out on the still good prices and interest rates, people.  We’re about to see house prices, first on new construction, take a big leap.

Call me and let’s get busy!

Of Course…the Arias Trial…

I came within a few steps…literally…of being selected to serve on a death penalty case jury. I thought the idea was fascinating and something I’d be good at…until I saw the defendant.  He had stabbed his wife to death with their three month old child in close proximity…and I couldn’t take my eyes off of his hands.  They were pale and feminine, not the sort of hands you’d expect to be murderous at all.  But they were.  It wasn’t contested whether or not he killed his wife, only what his punishment should be.  And there I was, fifteen feet away from this man, potentially about to be selected to determine his fate.   I felt physically ill.  Before that time, I was absolutely in favor of the death penalty…but when it came time to put up or shut up, I realized I could never be the one to call for another’s death. Not at the time.  I was younger then.

I looked at the Travis Alexander autopsy photos online.  If you haven’t seen them, don’t.  They are too disturbing and the act of violence they portray slithers into your gut and your phyche and you’ll feel nauseated and you won’t sleep. And you’ll feel very, very sad…not only about poor Travis, but also about our society in general.   What comes forth is that this poor man suffered tremendous violence and pain…and he fought to live.  His wounds show that.  His last moments alive were filled with the sort of terror no human being should have to experience, particularly not if you’re someone like Travis apparently was.  I have such a palatable sense of loss without him in the world.  We NEED more people like him.

Travis filled his life with service, apparently, and according to his journal entry…one of the last…he intended to make this year the most giving of all.  I think he might have pulled it off. If he hadn’t encountered the bloodsucker.  The one named Jodi.

Here’s the thing.  He got himself tied up with a person who was charming, manipulative, and used to not only getting her way but also never having taken responsibility for any wrongs in her life.  People like that, especially ones diagnosed as having bipolar disorder, can be very charming, and they get through life by being manipulative, ingratiating, and…here’s the important part…attaching themselves to people who are NOT that way. They seek out honest, hardworking, giving people and particularly ones who tend to be very calm and focused about their life.  They are parasites, ultimately, and when they think they are either losing their host OR not getting their way about something important to them (it’s always ALL AND ONLY about them)…they can explode, and they do.  I’ve seen it happen up close and personally.

Jodi described Travis as being a very calm person.  Now…if someone asked you to describe your lover, would ‘calm’ be one of the first things you said?  NO!  You’d say cute, or funny or smart.  Not ‘calm’.  So here’s my theory.  I know, through testimony, that Travis was ending the relationship.  I think Jodi tried to manipulate him, even sexually the day of his murder, and it wasn’t working.  My guess is that he was very calm and deliberate in letting her know that her manipulations weren’t working and weren’t GOING to.  And she lost it.  I think, like all of her type, she is EXTREMELY vindictive, and she threw everything she had in to making him pay for not giving her her way.

People say she must have been abused as a child.  I call bull on that.  It think she was spoiled ROTTEN, always got her way, always thought she was adorable and that EVERYTHING she did was wonderful.  People like that never learn to take responsibilty for things going sideways, because the adults in their life never let them SEE that.  Mommy or Daddy usually make their lives perfect and when it’s time to grow up, they don’t…they just find another ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ to make their lives perfect AND to take the blame for all bad things. The person closest to one of these animals gets to bear the weight of the world.  It’s true.  And it’s terrible.  I’m guessing Jodi’s mommy was the ‘good’ parent and Jodi’s daddy was ‘the bad parent’…and I bet mommy worked against daddy a lot.  You haven’t seen daddy around much, have you?

Jodi never expected to be found guilty, and her smug demeanor throughout the trial showed that.  She was used to using people, manipulating people, getting her way.  Now that she knows this ain’t California baby, she has a whole new demeanor.  But she’s still acting. I couldn’t help but wonder whether her face muscles hurt at the end of the day from holding the ‘sad’ face during the victim impact statements.  Another manipulation.  Listen, I can PROMISE you she views HERSELF as the victim.  I lived with one of these types.  For a long time.  I recognize the animal.  She feels victimized.  Even though she brutalized Travis, butchered the man.

So now…not only would I vote in FAVOR of the death penalty for Jodi, I’d push the button.  People like her suck the life out of anybody stupid enough to fall for their manipulations…and we fall for them because we view the world as good, as WE are good, because we are trusting and we want to serve.  We end up being nothing more than a host for the parasite, a platform from which they can spring their insanity, and the person to whom they point the blame when things don’t work out…and they NEVER work out for these people because they eventually, always show their true colors…and they get caught.   It’s important to not only realize there are a LOT of Jodi’s out there, bad people who WILL kill if they feel the need to, people whose reality isn’t ‘normal’.  It’s their own reality with them at the center…because they never grow up.

As long as the Jodi’s of the world don’t commit brutal murder, we can deal with them.  Some of us have done it and some are doing it now.  In this case, however, I say death is the only answer.  She will do this again, given the right circumstances.  Of that I have NO doubt.

Oh, and here’s something else VERY important:  Jodi tried her level best to make this all Travis’s fault.  She tried her BEST to make him out to be a monster.  Yeah, I’ve had that happen to me too.  It rarely works…because the parasite’s true colors always come through…It’s the only gratification the normal people have: the truth comes out.

The Value of Wisdom

One great gift to which we all have access is the wisdom of those who have gone before us, whether it is by virtue of age and experience, or by having charted territory we have yet to see.  There is value to listening to the experiences of others, their success AND failure stories, because that is how we achieve greatness sooner, rather than later.  It’s great to build upon that wisdom, but to completely disregard it is to waste precious time.

We’re arrogant in our country, and I’m sure we don’t hold the patent on that sentiment or behavior.  But in America, we tend to look at the ones who are ahead of us on the path as having targets on their backs, rather than mapmakers and sources of information we can use. We see them as someone to best, to pass quickly up the ladder and often we miss the whole point of the climb.

I watched a movie called “I Am”, based, you might have guessed, on the ten commandments, one of which is to honor your father and mother.  We tend to not do that much anymore, choosing instead to believe we have it all figured out…when we don’t.  Nobody does, in fact.

Anyway, the short point is that there is value in the experiences and teachings of others, and that, by the way, is a two way street.  Nobody has ever walked the exact path as another.  Each has his/her own perspective and life experience and each has value. 

JC Penney Silo Master

Well, they fired the JCP CEO.  While I never want to see anybody lose his job, this one was certain to happen if the company has a snowball’s chance in Hades of surviving. And it might not.  It took too long for everybody to figure out what they needed to do.  I saw this one coming when the new CEO threw away his customer base and tried to replace it with youngsters with no money and no desire to shop where grandma shopped.  He failed to realize that there are FEWER of them than there were of the original customer base, and more choices for them to utilize.  Duh.  And, JCP stopped offering quality merchandise and instead packed the stores with junk NOBODY wanted. And…these stores are usually an anchor store in a mall where the lease is HUGE.  Is this ROCKET SCIENCE?  No.  I’ve done rocket science.  This ain’t it.  JCP used to be my only place to go for great quality sweaters.  Even the higher end stores couldn’t match their value and quality with regard to, in particular, their Spring sweaters. I went there for sweaters; and I bought everything else I needed.  I loved their housewares department before they stocked it with junk.  But that’s not THE main reason JCP failed.  It failed because the new guy wanted to build a silo.

I see this kind of thing happen all the time, and it’s not new.  One author I read recently  (I can’t remember his name) coined ‘silo building’ (Google him and find his book; it’s really good).  Here’s how it goes…

First, a paradigm is created where one or more entities within a company have a need to break out from the pack at the expense of the team (maybe not even realizing they are nuking the team).  Maybe it’s not a paradigm; maybe it’s just one giant ego being brought on board who wants to MAKE HIS MARK (dogs just pee on it and maybe if people did that we’d all be better off). So that person creates his own little empire (his goal all along and in fact his NEED) and starts stacking these slightly curved blocks… building a silo…around himself and a selected few.  Silos don’t have windows, mind you; they don’t need them.  But the PROBLEM with that is that there’s no communication possible and the problem is, also, that once the underground competition sets in, you CAN’T communicate because all you could say is, “I’m trying to beat you.”

Once the silo builder starts building his tower, others have to do the same or risk being overshadowed.  Besides, in the beginning, the silo builder looks like a star; he’s having all kinds of success!  He makes others look like they’re napping…but there’s a reason for that.

Okay, let’s have an example; let’s say you’re in retail.  Retail establishments are RIFE with silo builders.  So the first silo builder essentially forces other entities within the company to follow suit, and before you know it, you have building blocks half way up and resources become GOLDEN.  You need resources to build silos after all, and the higher the walls the more resources (people, money) you need.  Chances are you’ll get them because…well you look like a star right now, remember?  But what’s really happening is that the first nail in the coffin of the organization as a whole, has just been hammered in.

So there becomes a built-in, destined competition for resources, usually the low wage earners who are running like horses to make the managers’ wishes come true.  Silo builder number one gets most of the resources because at first, he’s the only one who knows what he’s up to AND he probably doesn’t realize or care that he may be killing the host.  He’s just focused on making his vision a reality and that’s not a bad thing in and of itself, but it’s very dangerous for an organization that needs balance and nimbleness to respond to customer needs and desires.

Okay, so let’s say he’s in charge of the stock room, only that.  Once he has the lion’s share of the resources, the stockroom is going to start to look VERRRY good. The shelves will be stocked neatly; everything will be labeled, the floor will be swept.  It’ll be GREAT…At the expense of the appearance of the store, the place where CUSTOMERS are, and in fact at the expense of customer service…which is the supreme savior of retail.  Also in the crosshairs now, is the morale of the others who are trying to make their retail establishment competitive and customer friendly, who are trying to do their job and that of at least one other…who is now in the main silo.  Everybody outside the primary silo becomes frustrated, exhausted, and a failure…because nobody can sustain that kind of workload and because the workload BECOMES unmanageable. Individuals can do the work of one, maybe two, on a sustained level, but not three or four.  Plus, these people, remember, are the low wage earners.  There’s not a lot of incentive to run a marathon every day, month after month, particularly if you’ve already failed at the start because the workload outside the primary silo, has become…unmanageable.  If, in retail, the employees outside of the primary silo become worn out and unhappy, frustrated and edgy….guess what happens to CUSTOMER SERVICE, the supreme savior of retail?  Right.

The primary silo builder grabs the best of the best resources…because that’s what he needs to make his vision a reality (it’s what anybody would need or want, right), leaving the other lagging silo builders to compete for the other, less desirable or maybe less qualified ones.  Nobody’s happy at this point except the primary silo builder and his resources.  The primary silo builder is getting recognized, and his resources are getting good pay, nice hours.  And by the way, the workforce budget is spent behind the walls, where the customers never go.

Now that’s not all bad.  There are good reasons to have a neat and organized operation, where you know what you have and where it is and where everything’s clean and neat.  But…not at the expense of the appearance of the shopping areas, where the customers are, customers, who can kill your operation just by NOT going there.  If you consider that customers are more entitled than they have ever been, more demanding of stellar service…it wouldn’t make sense to deliberately erode that service, would it?  No.  And silo builders usually don’t realize they’re doing that.  They are just trying to make their mark, make their vision a reality, get a raise, get a promotion, be recognized, prove their worth…all that jazz.

So, the lagging silo builders have not only been crippled with respect to the best and the brightest, but now they have to try to make it work with FEWER of the middle of the pack employees. If they DON’T make it work, their upper management will tear them up, comparing them to the primary silo builder (not realizing he’s sinking with the REST of the ship), and hence eroding the morale of the other silo builders.  The morale of the workers is already tanking and now the managers, the secondary and tertiary silo builders, are falling too.  Uh oh.  Too bad the higher level managers can’t see this.  Don’t feel bad; they didn’t see it at JCP either.

There are places where silos are okay.  Farms.

Retail is the WORST place for them because in retail, things change on a dime and the entire operation has to be able to not only change direction in a second, but also do it while making the customers ecstatic.  So they’ll come back.  So they won’t go to the PLETHORA of other places they COULD go…and WILL go if their needs are not met. And…this is important…the workforce here MUST be happy, because they sure aren’t there for the money.  And they won’t stay if they aren’t happy.  So if you’re already running lean and you lose your best ‘leftovers’, oops.  Real trouble.

What seems important to me, a real nobody, is that teamwork is important in retail and so is foresight!  JCP turned their focus inward, onto themselves, and worked like all get out to build a great little silo with little lounges and vignettes…but they forgot to ask the customers what THEY wanted.  It does no good to make a mark if nobody SEES it, or, more importantly, if it’s a colossal failure.

Why JC Penney is Tanking

As is the case of all blogs, this is my opinion. But it’s also common sense. My CAT could have predicted this if he could speak English.  Or cared.. JC Penney just posted the worst quarter in the HISTORY of retail…if you believe the news.  Well duh. Anybody I talk to isn’t surprised at all because JCP had it ALL wrong. 

First, they decided to put all of their effort into courting a demographic that wouldn’t love them UNLESS they were rather last retail store on the planet. This IS their mother’s store no matter how much they change the logo. 

Second and most important, they completely disregarded the demographic who handed them their success. Ask any Baby Boomer EX JC Penney shopper.  They’ll tell you. 

JCP got sloppy and dirty and unfriendly to their customers…the ones who handed them profits year after year. They got fat and lazy and thought they didn’t have to work to keep us. Then instead of looking inward and doing some hard evaluation, they blamed us…their bread and butter…and they kicked us to the curb. 

So we’ve voted with our feet and our wallets. We went where we were wanted and importantly, valued. If JCP wants to survive, they need to BEG us to come back. They should restock their shelves with the things WE like and want, they need to price them competitively and make sure they are of the quality we once expected from JCP…and they should beg for our forgiveness. Maybe then we’ll stop thinking how they are getting EXACTLY what they deserve and give them another chance to appreciate us. Or maybe not. 

And by the way…if they wanted to appeal to the Old Navy crowd, they should have changed the NAME as well as the logo. DUH.  Even with that, we don’t need another Target or Old Navy and…we are still the ones with the discretionary money to keep you in business. 

I think that’s worth a day of CEO salary. 

 

 

What Love Isn’t

Somebody very important to me asked me if I knew what love is?   What a question. Of course I don’t know. I THOUGHT I did, but boy did I get schooled.

I answered, “Does anybody?”  I’m not sure about that one, actually.  My guess would be that most people haven’t given it much thought and that most people have love and lust confused.  Maybe there’s no such thing at all; maybe it’s a perfect match of one person being a host and the other a parasite…and I’m sure there are nicer WORDS for it, but you get the idea.

I’ve learned that each person’s definition of love, if they could even adequately articulate it, is as unique as that person is among the whole population of Earth.  So I ask YOU: what is love?

Think about it; before you answer ask yourself what would love look like if you took lust out of the picture.  I know, hard to imagine.  Still give it a shot.  Also take out the OBLIGATION factor; I mean love from child to parent, for example.  If not for those things, how would you describe love?

I don’t have the ‘right’ answer.  Maybe there isn’t one.  But I can talk about some things love isn’t.  First of all, it isn’t lust; it isn’t about sex.  And if you plan to build a so-called loving relationship, like marriage…on sex, forget it; it’s  not gonna work.

Love isn’t going after somebody because they have assets you’d like to take from them…things like bank accounts or properties or a nice home.  That’s not love.  That’s targeting an innocent party for your own financial gain.

Love isn’t keeping track of what someone does for you, or events for which they show up; it isn’t about the gifts they’ve given.  In other words, if love had arrows pointing, there should be one going toward oneself and one going away from oneself, or it isn’t love.  Love is not one-sided; love is not ‘taking’.  And it’s not all giving either. It HAS to be both give and take.

Love isn’t devoid of sacrifice. It’s full of sacrifice, or it should be…I think.  Love isn’t convenient.  Sometimes love means we have to break a sweat doing things we’d rather not do, for someone who simply needs us.  Sacrificial love doesn’t always show up during slack times; sometimes it shows up in the middle of a busy time.  If you can’t sacrifice even then…it isn’t love.

Love isn’t doing hurtful things when you don’t get you way or you want to do something you shouldn’t. You can’t hurt someone you love. If you DO or desire to, that’s not love.  You can’t do harm to someone you love. If that kind of behavior is in YOUR kind of love, please stay far from me. I already know you.

There is no such thing as unconditional love.  If someone says they love you unconditionally, better pat them down for your best silver or that nice ring you just bought.  There is no such thing as unconditional love.  If you aren’t getting something out of it, you’re probably comatose.   Remember there’s an arrow pointing in, too, and  if there’s not you are not human. Nobody’s that generous.

I do know this about love.  Never mind. I don’t know.