I watched the Casey Anthony trial, followed the story of the death of her child for three years.  The child was missing for THIRTY ONE days before Casey called the police…a two year old..missing for thirty one days and not reported missing by the mother.  ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And she wouldn’t have called then if the grandmother hadn’t had a meltdown.

The child’s bones were found, inside three trash bags, a few blocks from Casey’s house…and she got away with it.  While the baby was missing, the mother was partying, getting tatooed, having a blast, and lying about EVERYTHING, including the whereabouts of her baby.

Shades of OJ Simpson.  What a joke.

Some of the scientific evidence was a joke too…or at least the way it was presented.  In fact, I think I watched too much Law and Order.  I shouted out objections.  OBJECTION!  Leading the witness!  There as a LOT of that going on.  

I cannot believe that loser got away with killing her child, or at least having participated in the death of the baby.  But then again, nothing surprises me anymore…

Okay, I’m fairly sure everybody has at least heard about Anthony Weiner’s infidelity, dishonesty, faux pas, little mistake, dispicable behavior…whatever you want to call it.  These are some of peoples’ responses I’ve heard on the news and around the table.  But the one that bothered me most was a response by a woman who said something like this: “Yes, his behavior was dispicable, but I think we need people like him in Washington, people who will stand up for the rights of his people.”  My head began to explode right there…righhht there.  “Get off of my television!”  I yell that a lot when I watch the news. It’s cathartic.  But you can’t fix stupid, no matter how much you yell at the TV.

I’m screaming inside my head on this one, BECAUSE, there’s the little problem of LOGIC…also known as COMMON SENSE.  Here’s why I’m screaming: This man lied in a huge way when he married, pledging himself to a life of fidelity to his wife (and he hasn’t been married that long!), and that he would love, honor and cherish her.  Has ANYBODY considered whether she thinks this is just a little blip on the radar?  NOOOO, apparently not.  No doubt she’s being spun to high heaven on this…being in the political arena as she is.  But still, she is a wife who was dishonored, lied to, cheated on.  And that’s JUST his marriage.  I WONDER whether he’d cheat and lie in Washington?  Or to his constituents? On his taxes?  At GOLF (Oh I bet he would).  I know the answer to that one, people.  Yes, is the answer.  Yes! He IS a cheater.  He is what he is…as my dad would have said.

Therein lies the rub, as they say.  It’s a matter of CHARACTER!  It’s about INTEGRITY.  Either you have it in you to be a stone cold liar or you do not.  Clearly, Weiner has it in him to be a stone cold liar.  He lied to the one he loves the most in this world (theoretically), his wife!  Now, Ms. Constituent, WHAT makes you think he’s telling YOU the truth about what he REALLY does in the hallowed halls of Washington, the place where we need more people like him?  See?  Can you understand why I’m screaming inside my head on this one?

Now we’re going to REHAB.  Oh spare me.  Does anybody know the stats on successful rehabilitation for people like this???  Well the success rate is about 2%.  TWO!  And that’s if the people doing the stats are good at math and they follow…REALLY follow…their success stories for a while.  It’s about integrity; it’s about character.  You can’t ‘rehab’ that in.  It’s either there or it’s not.  Even Obama thinks he needs to go. Now that should tell you something.

I met a stranger yesterday, who made hot tea with honey and lemon for me…because I have a cold.  She’s not a stranger now.  She’s special to me, for that simple act of hospitality, whether or not I see her again…but I hope I do.

How many times do we experience unwarranted kindness like that?  Here I was, trying to talk about listing her home, struggling with the remnants of this aggravating cold, and she just got up and made a cup of hot tea for me.  And when she thought it was getting too cool, she offered to heat it for me.  I’m amazed.  And I shouldn’t be!  These are the things we should do for one another; yet we just don’t anymore…or rarely.

I’m not one of the entitlement generation.  I have worked hard for everything I’ve had, my whole life.  So things like this MEAN something to me, these little acts of goodness.  And the odd thing is, when you have so little of that kind of generosity of spirit in your life, these acts of benevolence are magnified.  This woman wasn’t the least bit inconvenienced by my discomfort nor her act of service to me.  It came naturally to her to be kind; I could tell. 

While our world is changing, moving ever faster and people are becoming less and less engaged, some of us still appreciate grace and know it when we see it.  I did not expect her act of kindness and certainly did not feel entitled to it.  Yet…this one simple act changed my life.  Think about that.  It’s not a grand change, mind you, but it changed my life because it reminded me that kindness is still out there, whether or not I expect it and whether or not I’ve felt it recently. 

The lesson is this: Goodness makes a difference.  Kindness matters.   It changes lives…

This is the beginning of a quote by Kahlil Gibran, philosopher.  The whole quote goes like this, “Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls.  The most massive characters are seared with scars.”  It’s my favorite quote these days.  Actually, I think it’ll be in my top five forever.

I think it’s a safe bet that all of us have had our challenges with this economy.  Even millionaires have a lifestyle to which they’ve become accustomed and which they must also fund.  So having money doesn’t mean, necessarily, that you’re immune to economic downturns.  And we won’t even talk about the ones of us whose budget is so tight it squeals!  But even aside from the economic issues, we still also face the usual suspects in our lives: Relationship issues, job issues, trying to FIND a job and having no success, sick loved ones, sick pets, getting fat, losing too much weight (yeah right),being lonely, losing loved ones, unethical people setting out to do us deliberate harm (yeah, that happens)…the list goes on and on, doesn’t it?  We have enough in day-to-day life to keep us challenged, without putting economic woes on top of it.  So what can we do about any of this?

Well we probably want to fix the stuff we can fix, right, or at least try? There are some things we can do to stay centered, not the least of which is surrounding ourselves with people who are just plain good.  Bring people into your life who have depth of character, immutable integrity, joy and laughter in their lives, and a strong faith.  Throw the rest out on their ear!  🙂  That’s the place to start, job one.  Build a good foundation from which to venture out every day and have some friends who have your back when you feel attacked…and you will sometimes.  If you pick your friends well, they WILL have your back.  You need them there! 

Second, believe that there is a plan for you, and look for evidence that the plan is playing out.  For example….I’ve been through two years of tragedy in my life, of the kind I didn’t think I’d survive.  Sometimes I didn’t want to, really. After all, who would want to live the life I’ve lived lately?  I can smile when I say that now, but for a while, there were no smiles in me.  Today I can look back at the trail behind me and see the faces of people whose paths I crossed on this terrible journey, and I see so clearly why they were there and why I needed to encounter them.  Without this tragedy, I’d have never met them.  They are such blessings to me now and so important to my present and my future!  I don’t want to imagine my life without them in it.  Don’t get me wrong; given a choice, I’d do without the tragedy every time.  But there is a plan for me and I guess this tumultuous time was part of it.  

Third, look inward and see what you can learn from the hard times, because trust me, you will be able to pass along what you learn to someone else in need.   What goes around, really comes around.  I had a conversation with a dear friend last weekend about this:  He asked me how in the world can you ever change your deepest behaviors, even when you know they are not good ones.  Well that’s very possibly the hardest thing you’ll ever do…AND the most rewarding.  Nothing feels quite as good as throwing out the garbage.  It is hard and you will feel like giving up and… the bad stuff just gets to feeling comfortable.  Listen up: clinging to the bad stuff makes you choose bad partners!  That should motivate you if nothing else does 🙂  Oh and by the way, the job is never done.  Why?  Because your value system changes with roughly every decade of your life.  Just to keep things interesting!

Socrates said that the unexamined life is not worth living.  I whole heartedly agree with that sentiment!  But you can’t stop at examination.  Once you open the attic of your psyche, the next step is to clean it out, throw away the bad stuff and organize what you keep.  It’s a test of your diligence, your discipline and your will to improve yourself, once you step into the world of your own psyche.   If you couple this kind of self work with faith, if you succeed in the examination and purging, then bad times really can’t touch you.  Oh, they’ll still be bad, but your reaction to them will be vastly different. Can you wobble off the path and start collecting garbage again? Ohhhh yes.  Here’s a secret: Don’t do that.

We get comfortable with our tendencies and our feelings, even if they’re not necessarily good for us.  So…if you meet someone and instantly feel ‘comfortable’ with them?  Maybe that means you need to run like all get-out!  🙂  Depends on what is in that attic we talked about!  Sometimes, comfortable is merely a sign of one of those big old boxes of garbage we threw out years ago…trying to creeeeep back in!  Be careful!

The important thing is this: Life is hard enough without bringing in briars and thorns and weights to drown us in the flood of life.  The Bible says we should be equally yoked.   Well whether or not you believe the Bible…and I do…equal yoke means half the burden.  That’s irrefutable, straight scoop, can’t be denied. 

Summary: Don’t BE a knucklehead; don’t COLLECT knuckleheads; be the best you can be (examine yourself); and don’t miss the joy, even in the midst of a poop storm! 🙂  And yes there can be joy in a poop storm. Ya gotta look for it, though.

Have a wonderful, safe and happy holiday!

You’d be surprised if you knew how many women over fifty I’ve met who find themselves alone in their later years, like me.  We didn’t choose our path, but isn’t it funny how things work out sometimes?  Well okay, funny isn’t exactly the right word.  I’ll say ‘interesting’. But I’ve enjoyed connecting with these women and putting them in contact with others like us.  It’s like weaving a hand-holding bridge across the loneliness….or like weaving a tapestry.  Every woman is different, each with her own story, each with some pain and some glory in her past.  Like our pastor said, if we look at the back of the tapestry (or from below as in his analogy), we see all of the hanging threads and crisscrossing chaos of colors.  But the whole of it, from above is beautiful:  You can see the picture, how it’s all supposed to come together.  He was talking about our perspective of our lives versus that of God; but if I apply that analogy to my golden girlfriends, it fits.  Each of us has a mess of crisscrossing threads, jumbled together and in no way resembling a picture at all. Threads of love, threads of joy, threads of pain, of fun and laughter, of tears, of life…we all have them all.  But our group picture, viewed head on, and as a whole, is quite beautiful.  This is one way to turn something painful into something wonderful: Reach out and touch others along the same journey.  I’ve been absolutely amazed at the depth of love and compassion I have encountered and isn’t that what we all seek on this earth? Isn’t that one of God’s greatest gifts to us? Each of these women has wisdom, love, spiritual gifts, knows the face of real pain, and has an idea of how to survive against all odds.  Amazing how all of us tell much the same story…with a common thread of God woven throughout.

I found a really neat bird feeder/bird bath/planter combo thingy…well it was a COUPON for it.  It had these things you could put around the feeders, sort of like a modified cage.  It let the LITTLE birds in but kept out big birds and squirrels (yeah, right).  I felt so guilty about excluding the big birds….I gave up on the whole idea.    I know….I know….

Change is almost never fun, unless you are a Corning, Incorporated employee.  There, change is a lifestyle; it’s expected and its full of excitement and untrodden ground to explore.  That company, where I used to once live in my cubicle, is a place where inventions and new discoveries happen every day.  There, without change, the view would be the backsides of those who raced ahead of you.  There, you’re surrounded by leaders, engineers, scientists, physicists…the best of the best…in that world.  These people expect to change direction on a dime and rush full speed ahead in a new direction…and love it and be successful with whatever fomented the change.  It’s thrilling; it’s a rush; it’s a lifestyle.

I’ve found that in other places than Corning, change is exhausting;  but it’s all in how we approach it.  Change isn’t bad…what matters is how we respond to it.  What we cannot see when we either see change coming or are in the middle of it, is where we will end up, the sights we’ll see along the way, or the people we’ll meet along our new path.  Whether we elect change or not, matters not in the grand scheme of it.  What matters is the journey, the experience, how we respond.  What matters are the seeds we sow, because, after all, what we sow, we will surely reap.  I’ve lived long enough to see that over and over.

When it seems terrible, just hang on.  Just hang on and keep putting one foot in front of the other.  You’ll get through.  You’ll be different, but you’ll be fine, too.

Once you get past the trauma of change, if it is indeed traumatic, it’s almost fun to look back and see how THAT led to THIS.  I sometimes wonder exactly what the heck happened in my life to land me here…and how I could have been so ignorant of what was happening in what I thought was my life… but of this I am sure: Here is much better than there and I wouldn’t trade the people I now have in my life BECAUSE of the change, for the ones I had before the change. I like it like it is now.  Sometimes terrible times make the good ones so much nicer. 

I have met some of the worst people of my life, and I have met some of the best, in the course of this most recent life change.  I have seen both the best and the worst of both myself and others along this journey.  What happens now is that I get to experience the excitement of a new life. I get to get back to being me, to being happy, to laughing again.  I used to laugh a lot; I find myself doing that again.  It feels pretty good!  And  I get to use my experience and the wisdom I gained to help others who find themselves on the same journey.  What better way to go through life than to reach out to others and lend a hand?  I can’t think of one.

Don’t look back unless it’s to take the hand of someone you’re helping along.  Look ahead and embrace the new life.  Have faith that it will be better and that you will have wonderful experiences and new friends with whom to share them.  Throw out the bad  memories with the other junk and look ahead to a better life!