My dear friend has just had cancer related surgery, and I visited her yesterday. In the aftermath of such an event, she remained loving and gracious, reaching out to others and showing great kindness to her caretakers. She amazes me sometimes. I’m proud to know her and glad she’s feeling better.
Author Archives: Brenda Briggs
Negotiating
Negotiating. The word means vastly different things, depending on one’s approach to life. I find that many people view negotiating as ‘a fight’, a win-lose opportunty, a chance to play bully. But the word negotiate implies that both…or even all…parties participate; it’s not a dictatorship. If it was a dictatorship, it wouldn’t be called negotiating. If all parties participate, and it’s not a dictatorship, then a mutual approach to a mutual problem exists and the best approach is consensus. Win-win. And yes, that is possible. I’ve seen too many cases where a push to beat another down, results in the pushing party ‘losing’. So the upshot is this: If you push for win-lose, prepare to lose. Because you just might.
I-Cat
This is Boo. He’s twelve years old and the photo to the right is of him playing a cat game on the IPad. If he touches the swimming fish just right, it sinks from view and comes back a different color and moving a bit faster. It took him about two minutes to figure out that looking UNDER the IPad is a far more efficient way of catching these elusive fish. And of course, he’s hooked on gaming. Now, he taps my laptop screen hoping to excite the pond to action, even though, alas, there is no fish pond on the Dell. It’s really fun to have a gaming cat; the problem is that he’s trying to muscle in on my work time at home, so we ‘argue’ over who gets to use the computer. I win but it’s only because I’m the biggest.
Some cats are very bright, as is Boo. I understand that they typically have a vocabulary in the triple digits, and that’s the ones they let us KNOW they know. I can even get Boo to ‘stay’. He lays down, and he stays, but I can see it in his face: He’s not happy about it.
Try the Friskies game if you have an IPad and a smart cat. It’s pretty fun to watch. And…it’s the only way you’re going to believe that cats can love video games.
BOOM!
Warren Buffet calls real estate a “good investment”.
Enough said.
Leave Apple Alone
Now that Steve Jobs has left us, it seems some of the financial talking heads are trying their level best to INSINUATE Apple into trouble. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard them “wonder” “how much longer” the company can be great. I’ve heard them “wonder” whether they can still be creative, market leaders. I’ve heard them wonder whether restricted supplies might turn people away from them. ARE YOU KIDDING? Restricted supply has been a giant marketing strategy of Apple, hasn’t it? Has it made you dislike them? I didn’t think so. I’ve heard “What if” enough times to call it a trend. These boneheads would actually like to see Apple stumble. Don’t think so? Test the hypothesis then. Listen for yourself, and make no mistake about the ‘power’ of the media. Tune in to the stock analysis networks and just listen to the Apple banter. Sometimes the guests who are being interviewed get that “are you on crack?” look on their face as they try to answer the host’s question without showing their incredulousness. It’s kind of funny, except that this kind of yammering on about a POSSIBLE DOWNFALL can lead to one…and they know it.
For example…lately, there was a report on housing prices based on “ten selected cities”, most of which were in the very hardest hit areas of the United States. Others were in areas where you either have to love boiling or freezing to live there. I admit it: I yelled at my TV. If I wanted to show housing prices dropping, those are the cities I would have chosen. Remember you can spin statistics to say whatever you WANT them to say, primarily by carefully choosing your population. Had they included the Triangle in the ‘selected cities’, the numbers would have been better. What do you think would have happened if they had chosen other “up” areas in the data population, maybe only a few just for kicks and giggles? Well…less gloom and doom! But good news doesn’t sell, does it?
So watch what these people do to Apple. They are planting seeds. Let’s hope Apple investors are too smart for the ridiculous game that most people bite, hook, line sinker. And by the way, remember that the economy IS showing signs of health…all but the housing market. Don’t you think the cur
Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close
So…I went to see the movie, not because I wanted to re-live 9-11; far from it. I went to see it because if it has Tom Hanks and Sandra Bullock in it, it must be good. The movie was incredibly entertaining, even though it brought back sad, sad memories. It didn’t focus so much on the act of horror on that day, even though, without a doubt, you are reminded; rather, it focused on a young boy’s journey through grief and his attempts to rationalize what happened to his beloved father, played by Tom Hanks. You’ll fall in love with the boy, played by Thomas Horn. He’s intelligent, funny even when he’s not trying to be, and absolutely endearing. And what can you say about Sandra Bullock? She’s always great, and she is this time, too, but you won’t get that right away. If you can handle being reminded of that terrible day, you’ll be rewarded with a young kid’s life-changing performance. He’ll never be an unknown again. This kid’s going places. I loved the movie..
I’ve talked to a lot of people who don’t want to see it because because they can’t bear the thought of being reminded of that horrible day. To them, I say, go. This story isn’t written to remind you of the news reels. Far from it. It’s full of psychological alleyways and partially opened doors you must go through. What is revealed warms your heart. Go, because you’ll see some incredible acting, you’ll get a different perspective…which is always good…and there will be some plot twists you’ll truly enjoy. I’m going to see it again, and I don’t usually do that. This one’s worth a second…and maybe even a third look.
Real Estate no-news
Guess what? Real estate tastes are changing. Well…no kidding. People are always like a school of fish, aren’t we? We follow the leader or change direction en mass as though a signal from outer space was just received. This time, though, there’s an indication that some of the new trend behavior makes sense.
Like this: McMansions are going bye bye in favor of smaller homes, ultimately for the energy savings of not having to heat and cool large spaces nobody uses. Duh. It’s getting less and less cool to have giant spaces in the age of ‘green’. But the look of these smaller homes is still open and spacious, accomplished by fewer dividing walls, more careful decor to accent areas versus rooms, and lots more glass.
And here’s another one…stairs are losing favor. That makes sense, doesn’t it? Baby Boomers are aging. Who are we kidding; we’ve AGED. One level is a good thing…again. So all of the ranch style home owners who couldn’t get a showing are going to continue to be happy about the new trends. But you’re going to have to update and maybe even knock downs some walls to open up the spaces…or cut the sale price to compensate.
Granite is still in. That’s a good thing, because almost everybody either wants it or has it. I shudder to think what’s going to happen when granite becomes passe. Open spaces are still in and growing in favor. Modern styles are back, sort of an early sixties throwback; lots of floor to ceiling glass and fewer walls to break up spaces, lower roof pitches, single level. Ornate is packing up and leaving; lean and clean lines are in. If it’s true that neo-Mediterranian is coming on strong, we should see stucco make a comeback. Imagine that.
The kitchen still sells the house; no surprise there. If you want to sell and your kitchen is OLD, you’re going to have to either update or compensate by lowering your selling price…a lot. Almost every seller has to spend update money these days. The best place to spend? Kitchen. Next place to update: bathrooms. Now, how many times have you heard that?
And have you noticed that it’s the SELLERS who are the fixer-uppers now? It used to be buyers who did the fixing. Not anymore, at least not right now. Oh that’s going to change back when the market becomes a seller market again, but for now…sellers have to ante up the renovation money. Buyers want a kitchen they can walk into and start using. Period: End of discussion…for now.
Here’s some more no-news: neutral paint colors! If your home looks like the Sherwin-Williams color wheel, you’re going to have to paint if you want to sell.
All of this is the market speaking. The schools of fish are still swimming. If you want to sell your home and choose to ignore what the population at large are buying, then the simple, absolute conclusion is that you don’t want to sell your home. You just don’t. Your realtor, even the realllly good one, can’t sell what the market has zero interest in buying. You might want to read that last sentence again.
If you’re buying, it’s a good idea to see what’s heating up in the market so that you buy smart. You don’t want to buy a Victorian with small rooms if glass houses with two interior walls becomes the norm. And by the way, almost nobody lives in a house long enough to outlast the trends anymore. I know, you think you will be the one…but the data say you won’t.
And here’s one last thing: live like you want to while you own your home. Paint all of the rooms electric blue if that floats your boat. But when you’re ready to sell, remember this: you must appeal to the market or you will not sell. People follow the trends. Oh, there will be one person who would LOVE your blue house, but if that fish isn’t swimming with the school of other fish, swimming along JUST LIKE all of the other fish…it’s probably been eaten by a bigger fish already. Paint.
You’ve got to be kidding me….
I watched the Casey Anthony trial, followed the story of the death of her child for three years. The child was missing for THIRTY ONE days before Casey called the police…a two year old..missing for thirty one days and not reported missing by the mother. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? And she wouldn’t have called then if the grandmother hadn’t had a meltdown.
The child’s bones were found, inside three trash bags, a few blocks from Casey’s house…and she got away with it. While the baby was missing, the mother was partying, getting tatooed, having a blast, and lying about EVERYTHING, including the whereabouts of her baby.
Shades of OJ Simpson. What a joke.
Some of the scientific evidence was a joke too…or at least the way it was presented. In fact, I think I watched too much Law and Order. I shouted out objections. OBJECTION! Leading the witness! There as a LOT of that going on.
I cannot believe that loser got away with killing her child, or at least having participated in the death of the baby. But then again, nothing surprises me anymore…
A matter of character…
Okay, I’m fairly sure everybody has at least heard about Anthony Weiner’s infidelity, dishonesty, faux pas, little mistake, dispicable behavior…whatever you want to call it. These are some of peoples’ responses I’ve heard on the news and around the table. But the one that bothered me most was a response by a woman who said something like this: “Yes, his behavior was dispicable, but I think we need people like him in Washington, people who will stand up for the rights of his people.” My head began to explode right there…righhht there. “Get off of my television!” I yell that a lot when I watch the news. It’s cathartic. But you can’t fix stupid, no matter how much you yell at the TV.
I’m screaming inside my head on this one, BECAUSE, there’s the little problem of LOGIC…also known as COMMON SENSE. Here’s why I’m screaming: This man lied in a huge way when he married, pledging himself to a life of fidelity to his wife (and he hasn’t been married that long!), and that he would love, honor and cherish her. Has ANYBODY considered whether she thinks this is just a little blip on the radar? NOOOO, apparently not. No doubt she’s being spun to high heaven on this…being in the political arena as she is. But still, she is a wife who was dishonored, lied to, cheated on. And that’s JUST his marriage. I WONDER whether he’d cheat and lie in Washington? Or to his constituents? On his taxes? At GOLF (Oh I bet he would). I know the answer to that one, people. Yes, is the answer. Yes! He IS a cheater. He is what he is…as my dad would have said.
Therein lies the rub, as they say. It’s a matter of CHARACTER! It’s about INTEGRITY. Either you have it in you to be a stone cold liar or you do not. Clearly, Weiner has it in him to be a stone cold liar. He lied to the one he loves the most in this world (theoretically), his wife! Now, Ms. Constituent, WHAT makes you think he’s telling YOU the truth about what he REALLY does in the hallowed halls of Washington, the place where we need more people like him? See? Can you understand why I’m screaming inside my head on this one?
Now we’re going to REHAB. Oh spare me. Does anybody know the stats on successful rehabilitation for people like this??? Well the success rate is about 2%. TWO! And that’s if the people doing the stats are good at math and they follow…REALLY follow…their success stories for a while. It’s about integrity; it’s about character. You can’t ‘rehab’ that in. It’s either there or it’s not. Even Obama thinks he needs to go. Now that should tell you something.
Kindness of strangers…
I met a stranger yesterday, who made hot tea with honey and lemon for me…because I have a cold. She’s not a stranger now. She’s special to me, for that simple act of hospitality, whether or not I see her again…but I hope I do.
How many times do we experience unwarranted kindness like that? Here I was, trying to talk about listing her home, struggling with the remnants of this aggravating cold, and she just got up and made a cup of hot tea for me. And when she thought it was getting too cool, she offered to heat it for me. I’m amazed. And I shouldn’t be! These are the things we should do for one another; yet we just don’t anymore…or rarely.
I’m not one of the entitlement generation. I have worked hard for everything I’ve had, my whole life. So things like this MEAN something to me, these little acts of goodness. And the odd thing is, when you have so little of that kind of generosity of spirit in your life, these acts of benevolence are magnified. This woman wasn’t the least bit inconvenienced by my discomfort nor her act of service to me. It came naturally to her to be kind; I could tell.
While our world is changing, moving ever faster and people are becoming less and less engaged, some of us still appreciate grace and know it when we see it. I did not expect her act of kindness and certainly did not feel entitled to it. Yet…this one simple act changed my life. Think about that. It’s not a grand change, mind you, but it changed my life because it reminded me that kindness is still out there, whether or not I expect it and whether or not I’ve felt it recently.
The lesson is this: Goodness makes a difference. Kindness matters. It changes lives…
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