As usual, I turned on a true crime YouTube video to watch while I had my morning coffee. OMG yet ANOTHER husband murdered by his wife, who had some skill hiding his body, apparently. I heard the same words and phrases. Like 1) smell of bleach; 2) new mattress; 3) new gun purchase a couple of months before the murder; 4) help moving the body; 5) help cleaning the crime scene; 6) extra marital affair; 7) children; 8) mapped the drive while carrying a corpse (okay that’s my turn of phrase); 9) DV accusations against the dead guy (yeah, my phrasing again). I said, “Are you kidding me??? Again???”
The point is this. PEOPLE, future CRIMINALS, listen UP! There are millions and MILLIONS of true crime fans who know how to use the internet and cannot WAIT to help take you down. We assist law enforcement all the time. ALL the time. And we are everywhere…even in the dark! I know! We sit there with our fingers poised above our keyboard just waiting to come after you. What PLANET are you on, what rock do you live under that you do not know this?? Have you not heard, “It was a YouTuber who gave us the tip we needed”? If you don’t know that, you are an idiot and clearly not smart enough to pull off the murder of your spouse, your boyfriend or girlfriend, your partner, your mother, your child, your whole family or your DOG. We’re gonna get really, really, REALLY upset with you. You don’t want that, you really really do not.
We can tell you did it just by looking at you, and then by what you say, and by you rocking back and forth and eating your lips. You broadcast your lie without even talking. And you know, often, it is the privileged ones who try to pull off this horror. Your god is money. Or sex. Extra marital affairs apparently make people freaking STUPID. But hey, that won’t matter in prison. Your God will become your commissary fund. I wish I had a nickel for every time I heard a prisoner whining about their commissary fund. All of a sudden your new squeeze, your fancy car, your mansion are replaced by BOO HOO COMMISSARY.
So. We have the following to catch you:
- THE INTERNET
- Body language experts
- Profilers
- Crime scene investigators
- Medical examiners
- Really really good detectives and police officers
- Luminol!
- Experience watching a thousand others like you who were already caught
- Map time
- GPS
- Infotainment
- CCTV (that is closed circuit tv)
- Ring and other such doorbell cams
- OTHER cameras
- Dash cam
- Cadaver dogs!
- DNA testing capability
- Helicopters
- Really fast cop cars
- Microscopes
- ELECTRON microscopes
- Plant scientists
- Anthropologists
- Okay computers
- Triple digit IQ
- Tenacity
- Ingenuity
- Compassion and passion
- A love of humanity and the law
- Oh this is huge: cameras in Walmart. hahaha. Walmart somehow gets on the radar most of the time.
- Credit card records
- Receipts
- Grizzly True Crime
- Hidden True Crime
- Crime Talk
- It’s a Crime
- Gray Hughes Investigates
- Plunder
- Law and Crime Network
- Court TV
- Nancy Grace
- Harsh Reality
- Explore With Us
- Surviving the Survivor
- And a thousand more
- Eye witnesses!
- Kick Ass attorneys
And that’s just a FEW THINGS we will use to take you down. Listen if you cannot control your urges and think you need to kill your spouse, first, you’re an idiot and you’re going to prison. And second, we will catch you. We won’t give up until we do. We’ll find your spouse (or child) in the landfill, in the mountains, in the forest, in the swamp, on the side of the road, in your drains, in the water, under your concrete patio, above the ceiling tiles, bricked in the WALL. We’ll find them and then we will lift our eyes to you. You’ll recognize the look in the eyes of the detectives at that time, for sure. Then you’ll cry when you are found GUILTY and sent to that scary prison and you’ll realize that all of your friends won’t take your calls from, nor visit you, in prison. You’re gonna lose everything. And by the way if we have NOT caught you yet, don’t blink. Millions are coming for you and we are PATIENT.
One last thing. That woman with a magnifying glass at the top of this post? That’s an AI image. My first. Looks pretty good, doesn’t it? So yeah, you can add AI to that list up there.
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